not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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