I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
