I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
