the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
