You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
