dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize