Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
