The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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