get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
