he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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