it wasn't lemon gatorade
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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