there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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