well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
