Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
