So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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