the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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