Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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