When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
