Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
