the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
