when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
