eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
