I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
