just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
