If that was your dad, he is hot
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
