so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
