could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
