I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
