I hate your face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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