Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
