I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
