I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
