I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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