thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
