I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
