he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
