If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
