I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
