I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
