my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize