Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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