Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
