taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize