I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
