it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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