drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They took my balls.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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