Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize