in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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