I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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