after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
