ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
