Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
