My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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