From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
