on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
