foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
