I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
