You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
